I have been comtemplating going in to the hospital for a long time. I'm afraid to, I'm in fear of losing my job, I'm in fear of the medical bills to follow, I'm afraid of my the effect it will have on my daughter, husband. I'm afraid it says I am a loser. I'm just as afraid not to. These thoughts haunt me. I can see myself going in and telling them "this is it". I'm tired of the way people look at me, the way the shake their heads. They're not aware that tho the lips don't move, the body language speaks volumns as well as the eyes.

Doc office called to set up appt with new psych, said they could not do it because there were questions that only I could answer. I got an idea of what those questions are. I'm not going to call until next week. I don't wish to be hauled from my home again, yes, I may need to be admitted, but no, I don't want to be taken away like a criminal or against my will.

Thank you all so very much for being so supportive. It so appreciated. I feel some comfort in knowing I am not alone, that I have a place to vent. Much l and to you all.