Hello,
I wanted to know how do you know if you're eager of social contact and closeness? How do you tell this apart from being afraid of not being "normal"?

I'm realizing I don't long for friends or ar "social life". I don't hold myself from a social life because I'm afraid of being judged by others, I do it because I don't like it. It truly makes me unconfortable. I used to think I was trying to justify myself, but I'm not. When I compare myself to my mother, for example, I don't frown at invitations because I'm terrified of people judging me like she does... I just think it's an useless effort. I -thought it was because I'm an introvert, but I was probably wrong.

What makes me feel insecure is that I don't like to be rejected, and when you decline too many invitations people stop inviting you. I also don't want to be seen as weird for not functioning like others do. I also feel like I may be in disadvantage in work spaces, too.

On the other hand, I do have a stable intimate relationship and my partner makes me feel pressured not to be like this. He's a social person, and I get triggered by it. I'm afraid of being too weird for not really enjoying being around other people, I'm afraid of being too clingy towards him and feel frustrated really easily.

I even like sharing interests with others, I mean, if the said others are as into something as I am, but, to be honest, I feel more confortable when they're online friends at a distance, with no pressure to meet or make appointments.

So, in the end, it seems to me that I only question my behaviour because of others?