I'm also 30+ and a kissless virgin. And my virginity bugs the hell out of me, despite everything. I tell myself it doesn't matter, I'm just not cut out for relationships... But **** it hurts sometimes. I mean it's not really a surprise. I've always been really shy, and developed social anxiety at a young age so intimacy with a girl was always impossible.

Plus I've always aimed way too high, always going for girls that were frankly far out of my league. I'm pretty sure I've developed some kind of complex -- my standards are way too high to be realistic. Is there a name for that? Some kind of personality or relationship disorder? Anyway I've always been on the bigger side, and was morbidly obese by 16, but I've always been exclusively attracted to skinny girls. Maybe it has to do with hating myself, I dunno, but bigger women frankly disgust me from a sexual standpoint. I know it's shallow and wrong but I can't change it.

So I'm pretty much resigned to never having sex. Sometimes I think about seeing a prostitute but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work out. I'm too broken; masturbation will have to suffice.