yeah. see..as the years went on with me, i knew they existed from the time i was young..but as i got older was when i realized more how strange it was..and i think they also changed too as i got older and more came to my awareness..i also believe i wasn't 100% there for a lot of things in childhood (i do have memories of childhood surrounding school, friends, etc., just not a lot about actual things in my home until i was about 11 and things changed again.

there were some minor incidents in childhood i relate to dissociation/hearing them/talking to them etc. but since i was young, i had no idea who they even were then. they were just nice (for the most part).

i played with dolls until i was 11 or so, and i can remember i guess it was me and an alter playing with it or one was..i cannot remember clearly because it was kind of strange..but they were not treating it nice, and then i guess an older one told it that it wouldn't be allowed to play with it anymore if it didn't stop that. so, i am really not sure how much things happened with them when i was younger as it was different, and i was still very dissociated.

into my teen years, things got really weird with it all..i guess i also hit the age where i was more aware of things too and made those connections..but through all those years, i was very dissociated...at that time, i was not 100% me, who i know i am now, and had very active communication with them, seeing them in my head, hearing their distinct voices, knowing who they were based on how they felt (and talked). my head was always very loud for so many years..of course, i had overlapping issues like an eating disorder and anxiety and other things mixed in, so i don't know what degree some of that might have played in some of it too being heightened. but once i got my eating disorder managed, it was like they all went silent for the first time in my life.....and over the last eight years except a few weird things here and there, i haven't heard/felt them much anymore..and i feel like it has changed again where the few i do feel here and there are not the ones i used to know years ago.

saying all this, it does not seem to me they are 'just' ego states as they are way more than 'just' fleeting feelings here and there. i am mostly a baseline numb with the ability to feel joy in certain situations. i also experience some mild depression (probably related to the numbness). i don't seem to have a full range of emotion which i always thought was odd....except in saying that, i used to also feel too much..or so i think it was me..but now i don't know. when i have been blended with many parts over the years, it kind of has confused me about who 'i' am out of it all...so anyway..thanks for your replies and sorry that i probably repeated myself again.