My T knew from session one that csa was there, but I had said in no uncertain terms that I was not ready to deal with that part yet, and we had more than enough other stuff to deal with that T respected that. In session two, I felt like there were questions that he was avoiding asking about the topic we were discussing and I felt like maybe they were questions that could bump up against the csa, and he was avoiding anything that would show a lack of respect for my request. In session three, I brought up that I felt like I needed to talk about it but wasn't ready to talk about it, but that it felt like it bumped up against the previous topics and that he was avoiding questions as a result (he admitted that was true, and that while he didn't know specifics of the csa, he could see general parallels/links to the other issues; I appreciated his respect). And before I knew it, I just had it all pouring out, along with a lot of tears. It was totally directed by me, though he asked questions he made it very clear that I could say "too soon" and didn't have to answer anything. He was very calm, soothing and quiet through it all. I don't know what expression was on his face, as it was one of the few times I couldn't look at him.

After it was all out, he actually had to take a couple minutes to reorient himself, that he hadn't exactly been prepared for it, because I had said I wasn't ready, and he expected it to take much longer before I could speak about it (as did I). We both sat in stunned silence for a couple minutes - I had no idea that was going to spill out. After that, the amount of compassion had me tearing up again. The part that stood out the most was his comment that he doesn't usually do this, but felt I really needed to hear it, and proceeded to tell me how he felt (anger that I had to go through that, sadness for having to grow up too fast, and in awe of my strength, essentially), because he didn't want me to feel judged or like I needed to be ashamed of it, though that is exactly how I did feel. We didn't have a solid relationship yet, so I did need to hear it.

I don't think there is a single "right" way to handle the disclosure, but I am really impressed by there being so many people who do handle it well, and can help.