The first thing I did when I met my T, was to research my arse off on him! I did everything I could think of to find out as much as I could about him. I knew that I would find out very little about him in sessions, and I have massive trust issues, and this is my life! My head! Im not going to put myself in such a vulnerable position with someone I know nothing about.

Within a week or two I knew enough about him to understand the good sides, and the (what I perceive to be) negative sides of him. He was more honest in sessions than I expected, and I have done zero research on him since then (over a year later)- there was no need.

However, it turns out Im a complete freak - quite far along the dissociative spectrum. I've been researching for months about DID, therapy, psychology etc. And I keep reading over and over about DID patients turning in to psychos on their T's, how DID patients are likely to stalk (and worse) their T's. I can see in him that he has these fears of me becoming like that too. Its left me absolutely desperate to prove Im not that kind of person, that I would never do that. I've had a stalker and I know how utterly terrifying it is, and I would NEVER do any thing like that to someone else. I've become quite paranoid about my T, and anyone else, thinking Im that kind of psycho- its limiting what I do. I feel like I have to ask permission if Im going within three miles of his house (outside of sessions - which are held there). Because of that feeling, I just constantly avoid that whole area. I feel ashamed if I have to get a bus that goes through his area. Its really such a big worry for me. I don't blame T's in the slightest for being scared of their patients. The stuff I've read - Jeez. If I ever become a T (pipe dream), I would be scared of them too!