I have been going through this very same thing. I have been assessed and have decided to do ECT. Many people have a very negative view of this treatment but once I tell them what I've gone through for the last 8 years usually quiets them. They have not been through what I have so they have no idea what it's like to make this choice. I'm now trying to reconcile what to do if ECT also doesn't work because there is a chance of that and I'm definitely not going into this blindly.

I've been traveling through mania and mixed states back and forth all the while trying med after med, dealing more with side effects than stability. The side effects I've experienced have to with parkinsonian symptoms (unable to walk, unable to talk, eyes upturned and getting stuck, etc.) along with a 150 lb weight gain, memory and concentration issues (I make lists literally for everything and sometimes still forget, unable to read a book or magazine for he last 5 years) and an inability to maintain relationships of any kind.

Since I've been diagnosed I've been waiting for the day, one day of stability and haven't seen it. My docs, my husband also haven't seen it. So even if ECT doesn't work I most likely will not be on medications as a substitute considering there isn't many left that they want to prescribe. It has been mentioned that there are unconventional treatments I could try (this would be experimental narcotics) but I'll cross that road when and if I get there. I know I'm almost there if they are mentioning it to me.

Like you, I really feel like my roller coaster started once I got on the med bandwagon. I would also like to mention that I had a drug addiction for more than 20 years that helped me and hindered me at the same time. I've been clean for 4 years this month but as a result, I believe this is why I now have psychosis and extreme anxiety among other things. I don't regret quitting but sometimes I don't understand when you do good for yourself why it continues to be bad?! For most people, the effects of doing drugs never goes away.

Now, I'm applying for disability which is really hard to get here and make plans for my ECT treatments which with my luck won't be done in the minimum. And this is only for the Bipolar piece of me. The other stuff (BPD, OCD, PTSD) I'm not sure what I'm going to do but if ECT helps with 1 maybe I can get relief so I can work on the others. Also, before I get the recommendation to 'change my pdoc' right now I'm dealing with 2 on a regular basis, a psych nurse as well as group therapy. Trust me I'm covered. One of the benefits of living in Canada I guess.

Hope this helps!
Cheers, Coco