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almeda24fan said:
I don't want to think about what T would say right now about all of this. I'm thinking he would be disappointed with me

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I don't think it is that helpful to speculate on what your T might say. Because there can be a tendencey to think the worst and then find out our T didn't think this at all. If possible, try not to think about what he might say and wait for him to tell you himself on Wednesday. Please don't be hard on yourself. You are in a hard spot right now as, among other things, your body adjusts to your changing meds. Can you go for a walk in the sun? Or the rain. Hug your child. Listen to some favorite music. Hang in there! (((hugs)))