I don't feel like writing a story out, so I'm just going to list my psychological and physical symptoms.
By the way, I know I should see a doctor for proper diagnosis but I can't afford it.
I am a sixteen year old American male and I have struggled with agoraphobia, panic disorder, depression, and what I believe may be Borderline personality disorder. I have also battled several addictions to substances such as alcohol, cigarettes, painkillers and benzos.
- Social isolation (I am afraid of the public, even to the point where the outside world frightens me)
- Wide mood swings
- Enhanced emotions (I feel depressed instead of sad, rage instead of anger, panic instead of anxiety)
- Frequent panic attacks, on and off
- Difficulty concentrating (can't read, hardly can write)
- Can't talk to friends or family face to face
- Can't make eye contact
- Suicidal thoughts (read below)
- Achy, fatigued feeling about half of the time
- Insomnia during week (sometimes not going to sleep for two days), sleeping too much on weekends (sometimes up to 13-14 hours straight)
- Decreased appetite most of the time (lost 15 pounds in a month)
- Increased appetite on very rare occasions
- Speech difficulties
- Very poor short-term memory
- Headaches, abdominal pains...
though she was improperly diagnosed with schizophrenia. My mom's dad was a depressed alcoholic, and my mom was mentally abused during her childhood by her step-mom. Her brother is a psychopath drug addict. My dad's dad suffered PTSD from combat in WWII (fought at D-Day as a combat medic under the command of Gen. Patton) and my dad has minor anxiety issues. My dad is rarely around due to his job. Most of my family members and family friends are dead or not in contact with us for one reason or another.
Also, though I do have suicidal thoughts, I don't think I would ever actually do it because I could not do that to my mother.
I have no friends whatsoever, just a couple of friendly acquaintances. All I want to know is what do you think is my issue? I have been diagnosed with social anxiety in the past, but I believe my problems are much deeper than basic anxiety.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Any response will be greatly appreciated.