Hey all- if you're triggered by suicidal thoughts, please don't read on. They're not the main topic, but they will be brought up, so if that will upset you or trigger you, this is fair warning and please feel free to return to the index. Thank you.

So as of lately, I've been experiencing a few... Rough patches. Namely my work and social lives. Which I guess is 99% of my world, so... I'm not officially diagnosed as bipolar, but the psychiatrist that I see strongly suspects it, but is reluctant to officially diagnose it. So as of now, we're essentially using bipolar-friendly meds to treat it (see my signature below.) I was unipolar depressed from age 10 to age 15, and then after I started Lexapro, I went manic and bipolar was first introduced as a suspect. Three years later, I'm 18 and on pretty low doses of a couple of meds, but they're hard to adjust. If I raise the Wellbutrin, then I get too anxious and jittery and jerky to drive without almost getting in a wreck. And the Lamictal so far has only worsened my anxiety, even though we raised it from 50 to 100 to help with the anxiety. But it doesn't seem to be doing a world of good right now. The Klonopin has been the most helpful in the three days I've had it, but I can't take it daily so. Anyway, I want to know if it's normal to still experience suicidal thoughts when you're on medications or is it a sign that either they're not high enough or not the right combination? The last few weeks have been rough, to say the least. I just started college and have changed my major three times, possibly going for a fourth, I can't find anyone who wants to talk to me for more than a day or two, and anyone I tell my problem to tells me to suck it up or that I just complain too much.. I don't know if that's true, but I do know that for the last week or two, I've been having recurring thoughts that I'm worthless. That I'm just a burden.. That I shouldn't have survived my last attempt. Sometimes I break into crying spells (right now, for instance...) and I'm just having a very hard time coping with it. Everyone tells me I'm overreacting, and I know I am but I can't help it. I've had fits of rage towards someone for the slightest little thing, and then I completely broke down and cried within 10 minutes. I've told a few people that I've been having trouble, but there's not much they can do for me aside from a few kind words. Not only that, but my one day a week job has been destroying me emotionally. My boss constantly nags me for not doing a good enough job, and threatened to fire me if I don't shave one more time because it's a violation of company policy. It's really hard to deal with this stress, and it's been showing in my behavior. I've cried three times this week, twice just while writing this. I'm quick to snap; I've verbally berated so many people that I'm surprised I haven't had a hit taken out on me yet. And I'm just coming unhinged. What does this mean? Does it mean that my meds aren't working enough to help me deal with life stress? Does it mean my life stress isn't going to be helped by meds (aside from my Klonopin)? Or does it mean these meds probably aren't the right combination? I was a lot worse off meds, but if it's the meds making me go insane, I'll get off of them. Thanks for reading this whole thing, guys.