After almost 20 years of anxiety and depression, I'm currently on my way home to be with my family as we suffer through my youngest brother's suicide. My heart is broken, I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. After all that I feel like a terrible sister for not seeing the pain he was in. I feel responsible, I don't know how to process this. He was so kind and wonderful, he deserved so much better than this.