urachal remnant (disease) -> infection (cause:unknown at this point) -> possible surgery(loss of income/savings, possible loss of my employment due to the length of the time required for the recovery)

Unlike my last post, I'm typing this after some research and I'm not panicking at all, it's becoming clear what I must do to achieve my goal, which is to ask for time to think about the surgery if it were put on a table by a doctor tomorrow. I'll spare you readers the details since I don't see this belonging to this part of the forum. I may create a new thread asking for help/advices elsewhere regarding my concern.

This all started last Saturday, I was under the excruciating pain last night and this morning, it could get worse before it gets better, this granuloma that came outside of the belly button is the further proof that this is serious and I'mma have to do/think the best to take care of myself.

I've already made the list of things to ask to a doc tomorrow, some are technical/medical, it's a way outside of my comfort zone but I can't just let everything slide because one doctor whom I've just met can't possibly know what's best for me. Going through the surgery down the road or not, I'm still hoping that this hospital could help me with appropriate antibiotics.(more research 's needed)

What I need to help me with comes down to two things. One, people skill/mannerisms. Especially since the beginning of this year, I'm a bit careless as to whom I talk to, when or where. Or what subject. Talking and thinking at the same time should go hand in hand, but they don't for me. I just don't want the doctor tomorrow to take me the wrong way. I don't wanna say the wrong things to cause the system to work against me.

From what I hear, the majority(the desease itself seems to be rare to have as an adult) opts for the surgical removal of the cause, it's their choices, and even if someone were to insist on it, I'd like to take my chances for the foreseeable future.

Maybe this is just me, I get a strong reaction when somebody paint my future and tell that into my face. It's just a possibility among many, what are you a fortune tella? Are you trying to hypnotize me? I'm a stupid immature ahole, but when I get serious, the person that I'm talking to better hear me out.

I don't know if this could be called solitude or not, thinking on my own has been working lately, and I also notice that when I'm not entirely by myself, I'm a mere reaction to the outside world, it seems like my normal operational parameters. Why would I wanna spend time adjusting the parameters, I'm aligning my self, which seem so hard to do when the self itself is subjected to change, perhaps expected to change.

Aimless self is me. I do not need purpose to whisper into my ears, having no long range scope of time does the job for me now. Usually, the pain worsens as the day goes by. I had to go over the limit on NSAID to give me any relief yesterday and it didn't ease the pain at all. Right now? It's a lot painless, even with the enough pain that was forcing me to move slow, I was smiling at myself.

Thinking that the pain is slight didn't make it so. Asking tatoo needles for more pain didn't work either. I admit, that and little cuts that I made on my flesh felt a little too good. After thrown into what I perceive as a cruel world, one can't learn enough about oneself.

I'm turning 40 next month. Then there still will be 4,5 months of coldness/darkness to come. Unless it's a big surprise like carcinoma, I guess I'll be okay till next spring. It's like l got too much to do and read.

Sorry I forgot about the second one. So I'm going back to the first one. These type of things are usually private, then why did I tell it to so many ppl today? I still talk too much sometimes but it helped. Doctors? That's a title, I don't exactly know how to talk to them.

------little break, I'm heading home now

Is this my lucky day or what? Saw a white lizzard, possibly the one I saw months ago was on the ground floor, I saw it when I was parking my bike, is it my lucky charm? So here's what happened, I came home, with less pain than last night, then I peeled off my gauze on my belly button just a wee bit to see what's going on down there and found this thing popping out. A new one, right besides this huge granuloma I already have. I wasn't sure at first if it was still attached to my body, I waited a few seconds and now I understand that it was falling off. It has a pâté like texture, in a size of a centimeter, it was super gross.

In the article I was reading yesterday told me that the weird thing that's going on in my body could be as big as the size of my thumb! So, there maybe more inside, I can't just conclude the worst is over yet. It was a good timing though, now I have more to talk about tomorrow at the hospital, other article said that ultrasound can see the same thing, but cheaper than CT scan. I know I'm starting to write the details that ppl may not wanna hear, especially here, but the longer the post, the more the chance of ppl skip reading? This could happen to anyone, y'know, at least I'm not attacing any images.

And I'm having fun, Less smelly too. I still feel lower abdominal pressure most of the time, but I'm ready. There's this one guy, a proud guy who chronicled his experience of the same disease as mine(possibly), and he taught me that there were no other person writing the experience without going through the surgery. I wasn't entirely wrong to have met a surgeon at a first visit, where I'm gonna go from here all depends what a doc has to say to me tomorrow, 'cos I'm ready to hear professional opinion.

I've never met anyone going through the same thing IRL, let alone someone close who went through a big surgery. So I asked around, talked too much at work, the former boss of mine came to visit after months of absence, now he's sporting a shaved head! Am I making these people feel awkward? All the people I talked to, like 4 of them and I kept chatting, so that's a good sign, innit?

Well, I wanna end this post with how I'm feeling right now, and it is freggin' good, (ouch!, pain just went through me now..) I don't know much about medical stuff, but I'm not too ignorant, I used to watch ER, Grey's Anatomy, and House, I loved them more than cop/lawyer type of shows, so I'm into it. I didn't finish all the season of House though...

I'm sorry about the "It's not a cancer!" comment from the last one, it could've been offensive to someone out there, I still don't know what it really is, without a biopsy, I don't think they can tell with 100% certainty, what this is or not. Is the scientific proof what I'm after?

No one can tell what's gone happen tomorrow. They won't dare to use medical terms that I wouldn't understand or they gone try to draw picture like I'm a child, they did it already. That helps but I need some concrete informations as well to double check on things that they'll tell me.

I may be repeating myself but I'm looking at 30 days from showing the signs of belly button anomalies to the relatively normal painless state. 30 more days on top of that till the navel button will look normal, the granuloma should be almost invisible by then.

I just realized that this means bunch of doctors visit and lots more money going out of my bank account. I just can't afford an expensive mistake like getting a surgery just because someone told me to and to be left with un-reconstructible disfigured belly button, no one would want that. Medical doctors, the title may complicate things, they don't have to show me genuine care, but a cover up, omission of the facts, neglect etc... I won't be taking them.

I gotta stay sharp, 'cos I ain't done yet with my life, this is just like a turn of a page, and this happens to be a new chapter. It has to get better right?

Although it could end like The Sopranos's ending, metaphorically speaking.