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Have you tried counseling? It can help you put your past in perspective and help you make better choices in the future.
It sounds like you have a lot to work through. Hopefully with guidance you can get past your past.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin
"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha
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