Quote:
Originally Posted by passionfruit3
I honestly really don't want to attempt again.im about to get baptised and things are okay but i don't know how to stop when i make plans. My biggest problem may have even been solved and that was i felt like being disabled i wouldn't know what to do when my parents are gone.my therapist said wed work on a plan and no one was going to completely abandon me. But i still feel this irresistible urge to end my life and i feel like the only way i can make it through is if i make myself seriously sick by overdose but not enough to kill myself to satisfy the urge.i just have to do it without dying . it's risky but i feel like ill go crazy if i simply let it be.thank you for caring though but i think ill be okay for now it's just hard deceiving my parents. My mom knows i have suicidal thoughts not what I plan to do.
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I'm glad you're feeling a little better, or at least, safer.
I do understand a little, I once made plans and, once made, you can't unthink them.
I haven't told my husband, for my own reasons and I do feel guilty about the secret, but I try not to let myself feel too guilty.
Now I'm being more 'responsible', I try not to let myself stockpile the means, so I have to go through more steps should I change my mind.
Is there anything else you could do that's less risky? Anything at all?
How would you feel if you died, and God said, "what are you doing here? I had plans for you and work for you". I think about that and sometimes it can help me choose a safer option.
Congratulations on your planned baptism, a good chance to look forward more hopefully.? I hope it all goes well for you.
I really hope you continue to feel better and be safer. Message me any time if you feel like it.
