dear T
18 weeks to go now. maybe. i don't know anything after last week's sudden cancellation. i suppose i'll wait for your input?
It's been hard here: i started transfusion today and i feel so alone. but you were due and the health thing and obsessing SI felt big, upsetting and off-time to tell you, while the post bf thing felt too pathetic for what you were going through. i sometimes think about how great and full of love your life must be and then i get to the conclusion i'll be alone forever. i really can't get over this.
i hate myself so much. anyway this was just what has been going through my mind lately, obsessively. i am even sure you have never been where i am or had my issues if you didn't understand that i cant afford a flat downtown. ah t, i really love you (not in a creepy way) but right now i just need to get you off the pedestal. stop having so much power over me..