why would your meds being high indicate that your pdoc hates you? That sounds a little paranoid. Challenge that distorted thinking.

It may just be his style. Maybe he prefers to continue to add medications instead of lowering them or exchanging them for new meds. There are pdocs out there like that. I would also ask for a transfer. A new pair of eyes might be just the thing. Especially since you feel so bad on this much medication.