WOW ! I can feel for you. You just described my life EXACTLY the same thing other than she moved out . I too was diagnosed late in life . Did and in some cases still do some of the same things. At her encouragement i was diagnosed in July. And of course it takes time and experimentation with meds. I have contacted and making sessions with a adhd therapist to help along with my psychiatrist. I've asked her to come with me to my sessions and she tells me it won't help cause I'm not going to be honest. I feel she would see and learn from it as well as me.
She says she read books and that's good enough. It's my problem and I have to fix it. I understand I have the disorder but if we are married and love each other shouldn't it involve both. Like you I'm going it alone.
Best wishes and good luck. Never stop trying !!!