In the last four years, except for 1.5 years when I had a shopping addiction, I've been regularly experiencing some sort of episode. When I had the shopping addiction I felt my normal self though. No episodes then. But it was costly. So I stopped with that. I was not surprised that the episodes slowly returned afterwards.

The episodes look like, I first start overthinking, analysing crap, unnecessarily, think too much in general, locked in my mind, I start to neglect daily tasks and everything, I just sit at my computer or in the bedroom and think total bs stuff. It's really no good, sometimes almost feeling schizo. This can last up to a week.

Sleep also is skipped due to that, I maybe even forget to eat. I definitely forget to do my sports training.. which is no good.

Then eventually I get some emotional outbursts, that part lasts only for a day or two maybe, I get exhausted too fast by that. Then when I'm exhausted, I do return to baseline, next day I feel like I crashed for a few hours then I'm entirely back to baseline. Please note below my description of this baseline.

When lucky the whole thing is over in a couple days. That's been more often than the week long episodes actually.

In the first two years beyond all this, I had two episodes that were not only a whole week long but ended in a psychotic breakdown. I was seen in the hospital for each one, first time I just left without permission lol, after I got a little sleep on the pill they gave me, the second time I was hospitalized for a few days then got sent home, with "one-time not specified psychotic episode".

The psychosis stuff did not repeat since then because I figured out the trigger for it (it was me trying to get too close to an unresponsive partner in a relationship). But the episodes themselves did continue.

This year I also got, on top of all that, some sort of general emotional dysregulation. I've got that somewhat under control too by now. It's like, the intensity of emotions are not regulated right, I'm not being myself at least. Positive and negative emotionality alike. Depressive ones included. But also over the top positive too. It's all been really bad and has had a compulsive flavour to it which made it even worse.

It looks like I gained some control over this and the episodes themselves recently, in the last month or so; simply by recognizing my mindsets and recognizing how it's just leading to a dead end if I let myself overcome by too much thinking and too much emotionality. I mean I get nowhere with that so why allow this?

So I'm really vigilant on my sleep schedule now because if I don't sleep enough hours at a night then next day I'm already a bit susceptible to a new episode start. I have to be careful with that.

I am hoping it does not come back mainly because I do not want it to mess with my sports training - that I've had problems with in the last half year for some reason, depression??? - or other tasks in my daily life. I've been unable to work in these last 4 years, too.

My baseline since age 18 is some low-ish energy baseline that sounds somewhat like atypical depression. Though I do like and prefer to have a project with a long term goal to focus on - work or sports, etc, anything I can also analyse while doing it -, not much energy beyond that. Unlike before age 18. Also willingly isolated myself from people since age 18. I hardly visited university classes, only as much as they required me to. Even with work, I only did remote work, not in a workplace around people. I'm 32 now.

That isolation was kinda like schizoid PD. I no longer want to be isolated but, as a result, instead I'm having these episodes. So it's no good.

Background on that isolation and me in general if it's relevant in any way, in this post: http://forums.psychcentral.com/4696614-post1.html

In that post, I also mention how the whole shiit stirring started. I can go into details on that if it's important enough.

Thanks!