yesterday would have been my big brother eddy's 48th birthday. july 10th was the 10 year anniversary of his death from cancer. i always try to be positive on these days and tell myself i was lucky to have had him, but i miss him like crazy and it still feels unfair that he had to suffer so much and die at only 37. he was 14 years older than me but we had alot in common, and he never made fun of me for some of the things i said or felt, things my other siblings thought were weird or silly or crazy. he suffered so much before he died and the last time i saw him he was in agony. i've tried to erase that image from my mind of him shaking and crying out but it won't go away. i know he would be mad at me for thinking this way becaus i know he didnt want us to be sad about him dying or to feel sorry for him. but i can't help it, i miss him and i want him back. i used to think i would get over losing all the people i've lost but i havent and i dont think i ever will. people dying sucks and its not fair to the ones they leave behind.
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"There's a dark side to each and every human soul. We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi, and for the most part we are, but there's a little Darth Vader in all of us."
-Chris Stevens
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