Sorry for answering again so late, but I was trying to handle in the best way possible all this feelings. It has been a really complicated year and now I even feel worst than before. A week ago I found out that the girl I have been in love "even saying this makes me feel bad with myself", just wanted to hurt me from the beginning "I really can't find the perfect worlds to explain my situation". I had the most humiliating year in my life, I though that she at least has some feelings for me, but now I know she just doesn't love me and that the image of her and me just disgust her, she just didn't say anything for almost 7 months. I was trying my best for her thinking that she wanted something, but now I feel humilliated and disgusted with myself. For the first time ever I feel disgusted with myself by being in love with someone. Somehow I'm angry with her, but I'm more disgusted of myself. I really don't want to felt in love anymore. My life was miserable and now this? I don't know how I keep fighting against all of this. Today I took a long walk, and I ask myself, why is this happening and why I keep fighting. I want to cry, but now I manage myself to avoid any kind of feelings so I won't feel hurt. I now I'm destroyed inside, but somehow now I'm unable to feel my emotions. A couple of minutes I tryed to cryed, and suddenly like and internal voice or something told me, that it wasn't good to feel pain or grief, so my mind stop my feelings, my pain. Now I don't know, somehow I shut myself, my emotions. If I see something that makes me feel something, I suddenly turn my face away, so could not feel anything. Do you know what is happening know, with me?