Hi Pink Flamingo,

I know what you mean when you say it is scary to hear somebody say you are severely ill or really sick. It's hard for me to hear that too. I don't like to think I'm that bad off. But it doesn't mean you (we) will always be mentally unwell. It also doesn't mean that we are not also intelligent, creative, intuitive, caring people, right? Just because we are suffering with mental and emotional issues does not mean we are worthless! It just means we need extra support to cope and to learn some of the things we didn't learn growing up with our parents. It isn't our fault! Please try not to blame yourself for what you're going through. Just sharing your experiences here on PC and continuing to face all this one day at a time is a huge encouragement for me, and I am sure many others here too.

About your ex-t, I can understand how deeply her actions have hurt you. It sounds like one the hardest things for you to accept is not really having the answer WHY. It's hard not having the answer. When you don't have the answer, you automatically tend to blame yourself for what happened with your t. But it wasn't your fault! It's the t's responsibility to find the right balance when it comes to boundaries and such. I agree with the person who said that your t likely had countertransference.

I very much doubt that she stopped caring about you, even though I know that is how it feels to you. I think your t cared about you very much! She probably would not have been so giving in the first place if she didn't like you a great deal. But I think she probably didn't understand your issues well enough to know the best way to help you. Perhaps she didn't have enough training in this area or something. At some point, she may have realized that she didn't handle your therapy the right way, and felt that you needed someone who was better qualified to help you. Just because she doesn't communicate with you now does not mean that she doesn't care, or that she never cared.

Please try to be patient and gentle with yourself. I know there's a great deal of hurt and anger inside, and you tend to take it out on yourself. But it is not the answer!

I'm here for you.

Peaches