It sounds like you are worried about her judging what happened to you or how you coped with it, which is why you weren't being straight up with her, and trying to make her guess or intuit what you need is not going to happen the way you want it to. If she has guessed at the subject, she is likely assuming that you aren't ready to speak of it yet, so is respecting the boundaries that you are putting up.

I don't have any suggestions for how to open yourself up, drop the boundaries, and trust that she will support and not judge what you may have done as "unacceptable".