Thanks for the answers I think indeed I need to get it off my chest and just let it all out. I haven't been able to cry for a long time and lately I feel really triggered that I can burst into tears any moment. Not sure why I am so emotional all of a sudden, but I do feel it has something to do with my past (especially because my brother moved back to my mum to sort out 'his problems', so I don't feel safe anymore there and didn't come to visit for 3 months already). My mum is blaming me for acting so weird around him and keeps asking me when I finally grow up and accept my brother the way he is. I wanna tell her so bad that he is exactly the reason why I am acting so distant, but I know that would break her heart and mess up the whole family...