Every eff'n day!! My problem is not the lack of motivation to to do something as definitive as ending my life, which I would NEVER recommend to anyone. That's something you can't come back from. The narcissist in me that makes me angry enough to not give anyone else the satisfaction. Or, maybe I just love myself to much. Eh, who knows. Don't get me wrong, I lack motivation too and have very little to no joy in my life right now, but I push through generally because ***** has to get done.

I do ride a Harley and sometimes just hitting the open road (back country roads away from traffic) and just feeling the wind blow through my hair and not being responsible or answering to anybody or anything for a while... relaxes me and puts some things back into perspective. What I'm trying to say is, find that ONE thing that makes you smile or just a little warm inside and do it. It doesn't fix the the hurt, the pain, or make the problem(s) go away, BUT for just a while, I forget everything else and just enjoy the moment. Plus I get to shake my "fist" at the world, yell, scream and even occasionally cry. Course I have to be careful of that last one, kind of hard to see.

As for others not understanding you... it looks like you been coming here for a while and you know folks in here UNDERSTAND. So, keep coming back and venting, crying or just TYPING IN ALL CAPS to let someone know how you're feeling and I'm sure someone will reply. 'Cus trust me when I say, if we're on here we UNDERSTAND.