Quote:
Originally Posted by MiddayNap
When I was in elementary, I constantly worried people could read my mind and would try very hard not to think during class because of this. I still worry over this, but I recognize its absurdity. I won't bore you with all my other paranoid beliefs; suffice it to say I've quite a few in common.
Again, I recognize these thoughts are ridiculous and I think some part of you does as well. There was a time, however, when I could not distinguish my own delusions from reality. You seem to be at least somewhat self-aware, so I don't believe you are quite to that point yet. With that being said, please seek the proper help immediately because it gets much, much worse before it gets better. From one delusional soul to another: I know therapy is frightening.
The therapist is deceiving me-lying like everyone else. They laugh behind my back, but I know. I'm no fool. She's watching me. She's judging me. Is that her car? She knows-She's judging me. I told her everything. She thinks I'm a liar-you are a liar. You made it all up and she knows and she thinks you are pathetic you Liar Liar Liar. You can't see her anymore because she's mad at you. She hates you now. Shut up; stop talking. Shut up. Shut up. She hates you.
Trust me, I've had these thoughts for every single person I've ever come to know. Hell, I'm having them right now as I type this message. I imagine you've had similar fears, but -if you do have them-don't let them keep you from seeking therapy. That point I cannot stress enough. Seek help while you are able to recognize that you may need it.
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Oh wow, since you were that young? I don't think I had the problem at that point... Although I remember literally, like, nothing about my life barely. Maybe most of it hasn't been that memorable? Idk, it's really weird...
But yeah, I'm sorry you had that problem... Must have been hard to deal with. I often try not to think sometimes too. If you couldn't distinguish your delusions from reality then how did you know about your delusions? Did you go to a therapist then as well or something? I wonder what that would feel like...
I definitely am self-aware. Whenever I'm really scared of something and start freaking myself out, I think I must be just making it up to be something it's not, but then again I keep freaking out and obsessing over it. Same with the paranoid about cameras/voice recorders/and thinking. I think about the fact that I'm probably wrong, but the thoughts of it usually override that and I can't get over it.
I've wanted to talk to someone for a while, but I'm not even sure why... I think it's more a an introspection thing. I want to go through all my thoughts and problems and just figure myself out. I'm very, very introspective. Probably obsessive. But that's about my other things, lol. THIS stuff is actually stuff that would be nice to get help with because I hate being scared and on edge so much. It really sucks. But then again, I don't know how I would go about that... I don't want to talk to my family about it... Although a little while back my mom suggested that I go talk to someone (another story). But I can't just say, "hey, I think people are spying on me all the time and reading my thoughts. I've even felt the need to watch my thinking around you. I want to go talk to someone." Like, I can't do that... And it costs money and stuff... But someday I hope to... Because I do feel like some of it's been getting worse.
And wow, those thoughts would be very distracting. I feel like I'm kinda like that sometimes, but not super bad like that. It always depends. I feel like they'd laugh at me if I actually did go in though, like, "Why are you even here?" But yeah, you're definitely right, it's better to get help with things sooner than later.
Oh, and just kinda thought of something. Let's see if I can put it into words though... A lot of times I'll be thinking something, or about to think something, but stop myself because I think that person might hear the thought. But sometimes I keep thinking things and I'll watch them carefully to see if they show any signs/reactions to see if they really can hear me. And sometimes then they'll say something and it basically confirms that they can, and then I'm on edge all the time and scared that they really can hear me. Idk. lol.
Thank you for your response!
