Anxiety is out of control. I am trying to ride it out. Trying some distraction. I feel like I have failed and when I talk to friends it feels like they were just waiting for this day. Encouraging me to move on break lease and hand the job over to them since it causes so much stress.

I was so enthusiastic that I would have so much privacy here. So far it's worse than the last place and people drop by unannounced to my door. I am getting blamed for things on the farm that are NOT my responsibility. I dont think I will be rehired for next time as they expect me to pay out of pocket when I don't even get paid for the job! They get ****** I" made them sound dosgy" but not getting a signed lease for 3 months, not getting privacy and not getting a job description IS ducking dodgy. I've been thrown in the deep end and the boss has apologised for that. But I feel like they all want me to sink.

I had a plan for last night. My partner held me all night. I obviously didn't go through with it and that's half the anxiety that I've now Mae the choice to live and I hetter make the most of it.

But stuck in bed out of my mund and body with anxiety