I spent the better part of yesterday doing a huge clothing purge. I'd been holding on to clothes I was never going to get into again, for so long. So many different sizes of clothes and so many things I don't even like. I must of had 45 pairs of aspirational sized underwear alone.....ridiculous!

All kidding aside, it was very emotional, and I had a good cry last night. I was never one to have much emotional attachment to things. But now that I'm older and I've suffered so much loss and so much upheaval and unwanted change, well it's harder to let 'things' go. It feels like I'm getting rid of loved ones who have passed. Also, letting go of hopes and dreams I had for myself when I was younger, that I now know due to MI won't be realized. A lot of good memories with clothing, some bad memories too.

I'm okay, and it was good for me to get rid of things that really are just 'stuff' . But good for me in a way that going to the dentist is good for me. Purging clutter used to be fun and I felt energized by it. Now it just leaves me a bit sad. I'm glad that's it's done, and I feel proud of myself for finally tackling the closet clutter. But the space left behind doesn't bring me the thrill it once did, just relief, I think.

It's important to clear this crap out though. It's been so difficult to keep my apartment clean and tidy because there is just too much stuff. It gets in the way of vacuuming and when I want to put something away in its proper home, I can't, because its proper home is chocked full of junk that doesn't belong there. I find the mess and clutter very stressful and draining. So, I'm hoping as I de - clutter, everyday life at home will feel easier.