hi Omegalamed
I am sorry that things are so difficult for you. And for the loved ones you have lost they are happy now to with the Lord, which is the important thing. You have been through so much. Perhaps seeing a counselor to help you come to terms with everything that has happened to you would be helpful. I hope and pray you get all of the help you need for your physical problems
I am sorry you are finding difficulty finding out about your spouse. Perhaps you would like to consider contacting Nami the organization for the mentally ill which you can Google. They are very good at helping people with all sorts of problems. And there is your congressman who can hopefully make it possible for you to find out about your spouse. I hope and pray the Lord will bring you healing and strength. You are a very strong person having gone through everything you have and should give yourself the credit for being able to do that. Take care. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis