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I don't want to be alone but I have been alone most of my life but I put up with people that treat me with disrespect and cruelty and always go back for more just because they are all I have.
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I understand this sentiment very well. I've thought this kind of relationship was always better than being alone so the abuse was acceptable. Being alone in corn country as you said makes it exceptionally hard. I'd be working on an escape plan.
I've got other parts that deal with this type of personality disorder
I've done the same as a naive teen. Knowing what I know now, I should of cut ties and walked my own path. All it did was prolonged a life born into abuse, I was getting it at home and away from it. 20/20.