I saw my pdoc yesterday and I had nothing to report. This is a good thing of course and all he could say about my recovery is "that's beautiful." He asked me what I believe contributed to my wellness and I didn't have a good answer. I said "you know, I was well with maybe a few mild episodes here and there for 8 years. I just don't have an explanation." Perhaps it has a lot to do with my hormones settling after my last child and much less stress on my shoulders. I told him about my fears of going off the deep end again and being completely unaware and asked him how I would know. He told me that is mostly up to my husband and mother. He said I only know when I'm aware and he only knows what I tell him and what he sees in 20 minutes a month. He won't always get my delusions but my family will. He also told me my bipolar will most often fluctuate when my stress level is high and reminded me of the importance of remaining on meds regardless of how I'm feeling. I told him that is hard but agreed it is key, that, and ensuring I see him on a regular basis. What will I do when he retires?