I'm so pleased! I was just thinking about how I'll survive when I need to go back to work after my sick leave is over - I've been on sick leave for a couple of months due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome and social phobia, and going to try to get an extension next week when I see a doc..

Just now, I felt so anxious and tired I leaned back in my armchair to rest my eyes for a bit. I saw a lightning flash outside, heard the rumble of thunder, and just kept watching the rain pour down.. I wanted to feel calm and serene. I thought I'd try to feel what I genuinely felt underneath the anxiety.

I felt content and happy for what I have now, and for what I can get in future. I also felt this yearning inside me, this empty space that just wants so much to be filled.. I know it's me, my true self just wanting to be seen and to become who she was meant to be.. And I felt happy that I'm going to get to do just that! Then, I found myself thinking, 'For the rest of my life, I'll get to do that. Through living, whatever that means at any given time..'

Now I just feel so grateful I'll get to be me, and that I don't have to rush it, what I have now is enough, I'm enough.. I'm actually in tears now because most of the time, I'm just focused on what I didn't get before and how I didn't get to be myself then and how it all messed me up.. But I'm not messed up (well, I am a little ), I'm not broken.. I can still become me!

Love to us all