Hi Ascella,
You truly have been having a difficult life. I do understand the psychiatric hospital trauma a bit, had some I could say was traumatic more than a few times. You do sound depressed. Several times you mentioned "I ruined things".... that is blaming yourself for things not under your control which is the depression talking.

You write and express your feelings well. This could become a good place to express yourself and you actually get some feedback here and support. If that was an essay, I'd say it wasn't a hard one to read.

I won't give you a bs statement about how young you are and that things can change. They might, you might struggle for years. But there is help out there and starting here was good. I'm not the best and responses but thought I'd try.

Is there anything local for counseling in your area? Do you take medication for the add?
It is good that you volunteered this summer and met a friend, maybe you can let that friend know a little about how you struggle.

Depression can be a life long battle I won't argue with that, but it is also often treatable and can improve and change. Maybe your love for astronomy will spark the desire to start studying, or even to find some more delight researching about it.

Welcome to the site and make yourself at home.