yeah. i think doing that kind of caused me to realize again (because i apparently forgot) that there is a part that does not want me 'going there.' there are some things i do remember that aren't as traumatic as others, so those are okay for me to know/talk about..but once i start getting deeper into things, it seems like that dark part (which might also be protecting me) does not want me to think about things and will potentially harm me (even if just by very dark feelings) and potentially younger more vulnerable parts.......which is confusing to me as when i was feeling that dark part, i didn't feel 100% like myself either...so...none of this makes sense. or does it...