So many issues here not to mention you're getting my hackles up. Grrrrrr.

Anyway. If there is any chance of getting back together with your wife, you OWE it to her to be truthful. She needs to be in the driver's seat, the decision maker on what direction the relationship will go. Having miss susie queue in the background for just in case is definitely a no-go. You must break it off BEFORE you talk to your wife.

Don't give us BS about won't or can't stay away. You are an adult. It is a choice. Make it.