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Originally Posted by faerie_moon_x
The thing with mood is you should keep a mood tracker. I have rapid cycling bipolar with mixed states. I have a very clear cut cycle and I cycle continuously with very rare times of "calm" or "normal" mood. I also have mixed states, which makes it really hard to always pinpoint what is going on with my mood exactly, since part of my cycle I'm manic and depressed at the same time.
The thing is, if I'm already in that muddled mixed area, even just getting close to it, my mood can switch on a dime depending on the triggers. I can be crying, then laughing, then yelling. It's all very complicated and dangerous for me.
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OK that sounds more like me, except that my baseline when I'm not in these episodes is very calm actually. I feel normal and all, though not as normal as before age 18 (because of the schizoid like thingie).
It is not exactly dangerous either except when I had some suicidal desires but that's gone I think. It just really interferes with my normal daily activities.
What is the mood tracker good for? Because I'm already aware of how my moods go, is the point of this tracker thing to share it with others, therapists etc?
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Now, I'm not a pdoc either, but that's exactly why you should get evaluated. Because here we can only guess at what is going on. It could be PD or it could be something else. Borderline Personality Disorder tends to fluctuate mood wise more than traditional BP from a strict sense.
Also I have the Dx of schizoid PD. I don't know if it's correct, I don't fit into that box, either. I like working alone (not as a team), But I don't like total isolation.
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Wow, you actually have BP and schizoid PD together? Did you first have SPD? If so then how did the BP start up for you?
As for borderline disorder, I don't match the BPD descriptions or criteria as I don't have those fluctuating self-image issues, I'm not doing intense unstable relationships either, I'm not emotional enough for that and I prefer stability in friendships (I do not know much about romantic relationships at all, I dread even the idea of trying). The emotional thingies in my episodes I try not to show to anyone, tbh. I'm not emotional outside my episodes at all.
Another question, did they ever consider atypical depression for you? That's the one other thing I can relate to if it isn't SPD.
PS: I'm sorry if this wasn't made clear before but I've been to several psych's, and I've had enough of how inefficient that system works, I never got a diagnosis either