I have rheumatoid arthritis, knees, back hands etc Lupus and now just diagnosed with kidney cancer. no money, in chronic pain, no friends, family does not give a crap they are all sick too i have no one nothing tried to go to church got told inappropriate for crying at a Bible study...what the ???
I had a great career clean home and body (dont shower often dirty clothes) had a nicer place to live lost it disability pays crappy in so much pain either sleeping or crying no friends no support all my friends disappeared I want to know why I should stay alive and continue this suffering what is the point? I need my entire kidney removed and no one to help me what am I going to do? there is no one. I hate my life..I attempted suicide so many times in the past but have not for many years and now I think i wish I would have been successful...next time I will not screw around. how tired lonely in pain and wonder what did i ever do to get here? why God why? I thought I was on my way to healing from my divorce and accepting some of my health issues now...bam cancer sorry for this message this feels like my last chance to reach out because other attempts at reaching out have failed I think this world is crap and people do not care uncaring and even mean if someone needed me I would be there and have been there for so many now no one cares i feel abandoned lost and so afraid it is ridiculous what am I waiting around for?