This is the never-ending struggle with trauma! I spent many years numbing out and now I have to deal with it, but to deal with it I have to feel. Confronting it can be addictive when you've denied it for a long time. I have to take small pieces and think about them until I'm emotionless. For example, {he was so arrogant, he refused a plea bargain, he pled not guilty, what the hell was he thinking} might be one thing, and my memories about testifying might be another. I try to stay focused and keep it manageable, otherwise my mind is jumping all over the place and my emotions are too. Although I have a million emotions going on when I'm processing because my abuser was my dad.

I think your idea of writing it down, creating a blog, maybe volunteering would help get some of that weight of your shoulders. I volunteered as a child advocate for several years and that was when I was healthiest mentally because I had an outlet for my feelings (mostly anger).