Quote:
Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster
How do you know that you're delusional? I never know, when people tell me I'm "delusional" I won't lie I flip my **** at them if they just insist they're right and I'm wrong.
Also, I like your brain. Like, I think your brain and my brain have some kind of connection because your writing style on here totally reminds me of me just different details and circumstances but I always seem to be able to connect to your posts... I think it's cool to have a sense of connection I don't have that with other people often.  |
My mom and psychologist tells me when I'm delusional. My first psychiatrist was the worst. He didn't know that I was almost completely psychotic and I wouldn't let him know about what I was thinking because it was bizarre and weird and he said it would get worse if I don't take an antipsychotic.
I stopped taking the risperidone after a year for 3 months and then abused it. It was crazy and I wish I could remember. I was manic.. Or "A Maniac" autocorrect says. I'm constantly getting every bit of hedonia that I could. I don't remember that type of pain so I do it again. I had a year that was just fun. I was drinking heavily and manic every two or three days after I took 6-12mg of risperidone which I did so many times. I refused meds and then the paranoia.. It was insanely bad like the razor sharp edge of paranoia and finally took the risperidone a few hours later, booked another appointment for a week and got prescribed the Abilify and I felt myself getting better after 3 weeks.
I know myself when I start getting really weird thoughts like thinking that my mom is a toothbrush, that I'm 92 years old or something but I can't do anything about it. I tried so hard and then multiple times trying to get rid of suicidal thoughts never ever gave up and surviving was on my mind and I repeated over and over as a false belief. Or I let it effect my mood to where I can handle it (Depressed like state). It can get really strong but now it rarely gets passed my rule where suicide is not an option for me. My mom asks how I can have insight. My psychologist said that they're called "Fixed delusions". It's like some weird ability that doesn't matter because it doesn't change anything. It's like OCD and schizophrenia are on some sort of spectrum of insight and I can't explain it.
Zombie!! Jk that's cool that you connect well with my posts. I think it's our sense of humour and disguised sociopathy ^^. Bipolar or not, we get high a lot.. Ya I can't stop rhyming.. looked over at what I wrote in my notes but wow there's way too much to read.
It's amazing like wow. Blows me away. I would post some versus here but it's so offensive. I'm going to be mastering songs. Too many ideas and I can't control them. They come and go.
My mood is primarily environmentally based.