Okay, so I dated this guy for a few months and he broke up with me citing financial and distance issues. I didn't shed a single tear though I felt kind of funny for the rest of the day, and a bit of the next. Anyways, I figured it was just me being a bit emotional, but not overly so as I felt not too attached to him.

That was early summer, and now it's basically early fall. I've thought about him a lot since then, almost once every week or so. I always tell myself it was for the best and that he has made it pretty clear he can't do the hour or so drive to get me as gas is expensive, and he can't call me cause of long distance bills. So I just shove those thoughts aside and focus on something else.

The thing is, shoving aside thoughts isn't working right now. I can't seem to stop thinking about him as I try and sleep. I tell myself he wasn't all that good in bed as he had serious preformance anxiety, being a virgin before I met him didn't help either. I also remind myself how I wasn't over the moon about him either. But I kept on talking about him in therapy when we were together, saying I could see myself living with him in his house.

I think I sort of keep a cold outward appearance as I just don't want to get hurt again. Maybe I was in fact protecting myself. Either way, now I can't help but imagine myself saying "I love you" to him.

But exes are that for a reason, right? It's because the relationship isn't meant to be. I am probably just in love with a memory or something. Right?