Paradox, I am so sorry.

Regarding your brother: illness runs in the family. Your brother may have some underlying problems of his own. Also, it is possible your father too suffers from illness. I am jumping to this conclusion because you have inferred his abuse is spontaneous.

Regarding your own mental health: Yes, bipolar is often linked to ptsd and childhood traumatic experiences. But I say triggered. I am not a professional, my knowledge of mental illness and bipolar is limited. But, my understanding is that the potential for the illness simply exists in cirtain people, it just takes the right set of circumstances to bring it on. (Forgive me if I have erred here, please set me straight if I have done so). Thus, I'm not so sure your dad 'made' you bipolar. But, he certainly contributed to it.

Your wanting the abuse: This is understandable. It is what happens when circumstances are repeated and the only thing we know. We tend to fear change and the unknown more than what has become a well practised routine. Also part of such abuse is instilling in the individual a sense of worthlessness, defeatism, and sense that they are incapable of going it on their own. To some degree the victim becomes a co-dependant of the abuser. Breaking away is hard.

Leaving the situation: But the decision to break away is the hardest part of doing so. You MUST leave this situation and environment. I am assuming part of the inability to leave is financial dependence on your father. I'm not sure how things work in the USA. I am on provinvial disability assistance (government). It isn't great but it affors me enough to be independent. Have you investigated what services are offered in your State? Your number one resource regarding this will be your mental health care team.

Good luck. Incidentally, I myself am the product of an abusive and dysfunctional parent. I realize in hindsite she was probably bipolar herself. I see the signs of anxiety disorder in my son and it is possible my daughter is bipolar too. I am learning that cousins of mine have their own issues as did our grandfather before us. So yes, I am a proponent of the theory it is inherited. If you wish to talk, you can PM me.