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Originally Posted by purplemystery
SO. To my question. When he broke up with me I said I would mail him his things. He said he didn't want me to pay for shipping and that he would just come to my house. I said I didn't want to make him drive, and I'd just mail it. I think he fought me a little more on it, but said it was my choice. He said I could text or skype him if I needed to (to process the breakup). He said he truly wanted to be friends. I won't be doing either because now I see our relationship much more clearly and realize how unhealthy and damaging it was to me.
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Most of what you've said up to this point isn't really relevant to your decision. but next it kind of gets to the crux of things:
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If I mail it to him, I never have to see or talk to him again. I know he'll take my lead and mail my stuff back too.
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First, clearly you have a problem or hesitation with wanting to physically be in his presence so I would lean toward mailing the stuff if it's not cost prohibitive for you.
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But I wonder if he'll feel hurt since it was almost understood that I was going to contact him again? He probably doesn't care.
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Umm you broke up. Whether or not it hurts him that you don't contact him again isn't even something you need to waste an ounce of energy on in considering your decision.
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If he comes by my house, I don't have to pay for shipping, but I might end up feeling hurt if he doesn't say anything, if he looks completely fine, etc. And I might accidentally look upset, but I just want to look neutral. At the same time, I kind of want to see him once more because I am interested to see if he would say something. Maybe seeing him would also cement the end in my mind. Or maybe it would do the reverse. Maybe seeing him would also confirm for me whether he was truly ambivalent, or if he did have feelings for me, just not as strong.
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It sounds to me like you're still hanging onto some kind of sliver of hope in receiving some kind of reciprocation from him to validate that you're valuable. Thing is, you need to rely on YOU for this and know that you are worth something and your feelings have been and continue to be valid, without him, or any third party (friend, sibling, mate) to validate you.
In spite of what you might think, I'm going to say what you've said in this last quote underscores your needing to avoid contact with him. If you've broken up and want to get over the difficult feelings you justifiably have. Cut him off completely and mail the stuff. Don't keep dragging things out. You need time and space away from him to get your footing again. Trust me, this will do wonders for you in the long run.