Dear T

I'm sorry I was quite today. I didn't say much. I'm often not a talker, but today I was just more quite than usual. It's just, I really didn't know a lot to say. I think it's because I'm not really feeling anything. I told you about this feeling and that I've been feeling like this for the past week. I think it's better to feel something, even if it's a bad feeling. This feeling won't get me anywhere. It might keep me alive, but that's it. It's a I don't care feeling, like whatever. And I think that's why I didn't had much to say. I don't like that. I feel bad about it, because then you have to talk more. We've talked about that last week, that because I don't say much, the other person might feel that she needs to talk more. And there were some silences today. That's not always bad, but I don't like it that I sometimes, well often, have to think some time before I say something. Which also has to do with that I'm still a bit afraid to say something stupid.
I feel guilty about not talking enough, I feel like I'm a burden to people (even to T's and pdoc's) and that me not talking enough is annoying for others and people won't like me.