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pinksoil said:
Exploring erotic transference? Yeah. That's scarier. Don't think I can do it.

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I'm chuckling because it is frightening and I avoid it in our session like the plague anymore. I pretend he doesn't notice but I'm sure I'm wrong about that.

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pinksoil said:
Lately, I feel very connected to him when I'm in there. Maybe that's why I'm so nervous.

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I'm nervous most of the time. You know, I think that is why I let someone back into my life recently that I shouldn't have. T and I are connecting more and I'm trusting him more and more. I think this is my way to disconnect from him for some reason.

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pinksoil said:
What do I do? Just sit down and be connected? Say: "Hi. I'm connected. Now what?" I can't I can't I can't I want to be sitting in his %#@&#! lap.

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I'm dying here imagining you hopping in T's lap upon arrival. I wonder what mine would do?

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pinksoil said:
Today is going to be one of those sessions when it's just too much to sit in the room with him. @&#!. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

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What I plan to do is go in and talk about the pattern I see in myself with said destructive person and some other things. I probably should mention how I've been reducing my antidepressant on my own (he'll love that one).

I find myself wondering when exactly will all of this halt? Am I holding the process up? How? What do I do to move on from it? Do I need to resolve my marriage issue once and for all?

I'm so confused anymore Maybe you can find this out and tell me before tomorrow? hahahahaha!

I'm just trying to find humor in all of this. I hope I'm not making anything worse for ya