Hi Tiger8,

I can't know for sure what is causing your problem, but I can offer a couple of possibilities.

It sounds like by being in your own head all the time, it provides some feeling of safety for you, even if it's negative images that you see. As upsetting as those images might be, you are probably used to them. Perhaps you feel that being "in the real world" would be much scarier and more threatening than remaining in your own little world inside your head.

Also, I didn't think you sounded like you wanted to have a mental disorder when you said you'd like to be in a psych hospital. Again, to me, it sounded like you feel that it would provide you with a feeling of safety from having to deal with things in the real world.

Is there something about being in the real world that feel scary or threatening to you (maybe even more upsetting than the negative images in your mind?)

The other thing I thought about when reading your post was a book I read "A Beautiful Mind," about the genius mathematician John Nash, who had schizophrenia. I recall that he saw hallucinations that he realized, over time, were not real. Even with treatment, they never disappeared totally. But because he usually saw the same things every time, he just learned to tell himself "This is just a hallucination" and not allow himself to get freaked out or pulled into responding to the hallucinations.

I would recommend that you see a mental health professional who can make an accurate diagnosis. It sounds serious enough that it interferes with your daily life. It has to be upsetting to repeatedly visualize negative things over and over. Also, when you have those episodes, you are not able to concentrate on what is happening physically in the present moment. That sort of lack of awareness can be dangerous (you could hallucinate while driving, walk out in front of a car because you are distracted by your own thoughts, etc.).