since my meds don't work, it's possible i would have to do ect treatments. but, i really don't feel comfortable with it. i had a stroke a year and a half ago and am not convinced that it would be safe. i did my research, and found plenty of people who ended up with permanent memory loss. i already have memory issues and don't want to make it worse. i know it's been made safer over the years. but, i already feel like a retard. i honesty am out of options, in terms of treatments for my chronic major depression. i've been battling the issue with ect for months already. there are times when i feel so bad that i entertain the thought of having ect treatments. it's scary. if i do chose it, i'd feel like i've given up because of what it can do to memories. and, besides, it may not even work on me. trying to decide on it has made my head into a jumbled mess. i know there's time, but i've been badly depressed for way too long. one thing though, if it's going to affect my skills, forget it. i mean, i can't lose my ability to lip-read because i depend on it to survive in this world, since i've been deaf since birth. i researched on it with honest information, but i just can't bring myself to try it to see if it can help me. it's my choice, but i'm trying to do anything to help myself with my depression. it's hopeless when i'm out of treatment options. i do have one option available, but my insurance won't cover it, and it's vns therapy (vagus nerve stimulation). i feel that vns is a lot safer than ect. i can't even fight my insurance company over this.