Thanks for your post Yeah I figured out since then that I'm blocking out part of the world actually, the part that has people in it... for some reason I just can't look at or engage in that part of the world most of the time.

This in practice means I'm often sitting at home in isolation and just think and be kind of locked in my head without even noticing and it leaving little energy to do things beyond the basic daily tasks. Because if I do things beyond that, I'm going to be involved in that part of the world?!

(And if I do get involved sometimes then I'll have weird episodes and emotional dysregulation)

Yes I'm looking though even that makes me feel like I want to run away because of all that stuff with therapists expecting me to talk about feelings and connect emotionally. I'm not able to do that. (I've tried going to some psychologists already, no good)