You ok elin95? *hugs*

He has a new music video and the woman he's with in it, well she's a model so looks like she doesn't eat basically, and it's really triggered me. I know it's just a video but I feel like he would pick someone like her, not some big pointless blob like me. No one would. I never want to eat again. And I keep thinking of comments I got about my pic with the band, which pointed out how fat and disgusting I look and how they would never date a greasy creature like me and ugh, they were right. They probably all laughed when I walked away, well they're not mean like that but I am so ugly. And the worst thing is that's not the worst part. The worst part of me is me, I'm a horrible person.

Anyway, enough self pity. My friend I had talked about has since cut me off altogether. I've gone from her needing me to be her best friend always to being something she can't deal with. It really hurts but I know she's better off without me. At least she gets to walk away from me, I wish I could too.

I also had dreams last night of everyone telling me how fat I am. I don't know why I'm taking it so personally. But he's very thin himself and I know I'm being stupid but, well I have no excuse. Sorry to go on about me as usual.

Hope you're ok elin95 xx