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Originally Posted by Rand.
It sounds like you've had some not-so-great doctors before. I can understand how you'd want to avoid that, then, that's fair enough!
One of the defining factors in SPD is a lack of desire for human connections. So, if that's something you desire but you avoid because of anxiety... my guess would be that it's not likely to be SPD. That is a part of several other disorders, however. What you'd have specifically can depend on many different factors.
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Eh after age 18, I didn't ever have a strong desire for relationships. Before 18, I was normal with ability to hang out and have fun with 1-2 friends. I lost that ability when I turned 18. Never successful in romantic relationships either. That was not about anxiety and then avoiding relationships due to having anxiety, it is the opposite, that is, if I was trying to connect with someone romantically then I would get a problem with that, I was just doing it because I thought I should but I never felt the real desire.
I still don't really feel the desire but I just think I should... I feel like I'm missing something otherwise. It is not an emotional feeling when I say I'm missing something. Just I do want what others have for a full life. Does that make sense to you? This is how I was from 18 until 28. That part of my life is where I was closest to matching SPD. At 18 specifically, I fully matched SPD criteria for a while.
From 28, I've changed to be just unstable and unmotivated in isolation. The fun thing is that at 18 I was motivated for my projects while happy being isolated. Now, it's not like that.
It's like some mental or emotional vulnerability got touched on 4 years ago :| that was safely buried until then.
What do you think? Does that ever happen to people with SPD? According to what I read about SPD, the schizoid is just good at "forgetting" about having and fulfilling their desires in actual reality but it does not always have to remain forgotten and buried. I didn't see too much on this topic though.
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You mentioned you had reservations about therapy. Therapy isn't (or shouldn't be) just you talking to someone for a while like paying for a sounding board. You may be interested in checking out DBT. It's a highly effective type of therapy for a lot of people that has a lot of scientific studies to back it up. You may be interested in this article 9 Myths and Facts About Therapy | Psych Central
It also doesn't always have to be that expensive if money is an issue. There are usually options for people who can't afford as much.
Either way, I'd encourage you to at least check out the possibility of it. It's really helped a lot of people.
There's always self-help books you can go to and coming on these forums the way you are is really great as well.
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Thanks for the tips etc.