OK I'm trying to get past this but since I'm freaking awake at 1:30 am here goes. I'm tired of feeling like no one gets his sick I am. I'm tired of my husband. Um tired of work of pretending I'm OK when I'm there when I just want to scream my head off when I'm there...I haven't bothered to go since last Thursday. I know my FMLA time is almost up but I don't care about that either. I lie to my therapist that I'm doing OK when I'm not, I drink too much, gamble then fall into this ugly place. My husband keeps saying we will change our ways but every weekend is the same and it always feels like its all my fault. We had plans with friends last sat that HE cancelled and guess what we did..yep.. Drank and gambled, If things don't go well he turns into a complete other person. He ended up hitting and then all was well with the world for him. I know I prob need to leave but I'm not in a place to care for myself right now. How did I get here? How did I become this person? This isn't me..this can't be my life!!

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