I've written about some of these things on Depression Forum, but this is not really @ depression, though I struggle with that.

I have to get out of this furnished sublet by Nov. 1 (there's some leeway there, but soon), and I have to get my furnishings moved from So. Fla. to New Orleans, bec. furnished sublets are expensive & I need my things. I've no winter clothes, & I need files that are in storage for vaious important reasons.

My brother is a long-haul trucker. So I've emailed him to ask if he will drive a rental truck, if I have it packed/unpackede by local movers at both ends. My brother and I do not get along.

In the spring, when I was suicidal, I called my former BF bec. I wanted him to know how much pain I was in (yes, very dysfunctional, I know), and he called my 80-yr-old mom, and that upset her very much, and my brother left a long hate-filled message on my answering machine screaming at me to "Kill yourself, just go ahead, do it."

So asking my brother for help is very painful. I sent an email, apologizing for a huge fight we had a Christmas, where I wound up hitting him (and I am NOT violent -- that was first for me), which started this whole falling out, though I guess the wounds go back to childhood. But I don't know what else to do.

It so so painful to be alone in the world, and to know that I do not have "relationship building skills," that I don't know how to "be" in the world, and it is hard to cope with my illness and the fatigue and depression and joint pain, and problems such as having no job, no income, no home.

Thanx to all who read my rambling.